Time To Grow Up

This isn't aimed at anyone in particular ... it's just a piece of writing I found on the web (on a blog called "Tomato Nation" here) and liked. It's one of those "I wish I'd said that" pieces. Here is a slightly shortened version....

Playtime's over.

If you have reached the age of 25, I have a bit of bad news for you: it is time, if you have not already done so, for you to emerge from your cocoon of post-adolescent self-absorption and join the rest of us in the world. Certain actions, attitudes, and behaviours will no longer do. Continuing to insist that good manners, thoughtfulness and grooming oppress you in some way is inappropriate and irritating. Grow up.

I do not mean that you must read up on mortgage rates or desist from substituting "pants" for crucial words of movie titles. Silliness is not only still permitted but actively encouraged. You must, however, stop viewing carelessness, tardiness, and helplessness as either charming or somehow beyond your control. A grace period for the development of basic consideration and self-sufficiency is assumed, but the grace period is over, and starring in a film in your head in which you walk the earth alone is no longer a valid lifestyle choice.

1. Remember to write thank-you notes. An email is not sufficient thanks for a physical gift. Purchase stationery and stamps and express your gratitude in writing. Failure to do so implies that you don't care.

2. Do not invite yourself to stay with friends. Presumably you have a job, and the means to procure yourself a hotel. If not, stay home. Mentioning that you plan a visit to another city may lead to an invitation to stay with a friend or family member, which you may of course accept; assuming that "it's cool if you crash" is not.

3. Do not expect friends to help you move house. Your friends have jobs to go to, and you have accumulated a lot of heavy books by this point in your life. Hire a mover. If you cannot afford a mover, sell your books or put them in storage -- or don't move.

4. Develop a physical awareness of your surroundings. As children, we live in our own heads, bumping into things and emitting random squawks because we don't know how to talk yet. Adults must sense others and get out of their way. Walk single file. Don't blather loudly in public spaces. Give up your seat and hold doors for those with disabilities or who are struggling with small children. Take your headphones off while interacting with clerks and passersby. Do not walk along and then stop suddenly.

5. Be on time. The occasional public-transit snafu is forgivable, but consistent lateness is self-centred. If we didn't care when you showed up, we'd have said "any old time". Do not ditz that you "lost track of time" as though time somehow slipped its leash and ran into traffic. It shows a basic lack of respect for others; flakiness is not cute anymore.

6. Have enough money. I do not mean "give up your scholarly dreams and join the world of corporate finance in order to keep up with the Joneses." I mean that you should not become that girl or boy who is always a few dollars short, can only cover exactly his or her meal but no tip, or "forgot" to go to the ATM.

7. Know how to calculate the tip. You did not have to major in math to know how this works. You are not dumb, but your "maths-is-so-hard" flailing is agonizing and has outstayed its welcome.

8. Do not share the crazy dream you had last night with anyone but your mental wellness professional. Nobody cares.

9. Learn to walk in heels. Gentlemen, you are at your leisure. Ladies: If you wear heels, know how to operate them. Clomping along and placing your foot down flat with each step gives the appearance of a ten-year-old playing dress-up.

10. Have at least one good dress-up outfit. A dress code, or suggested attire on an invitation, is not an instrument of The Man. You don't have to like it, but if the invitation requests it, put it on.

11. Do as invitations ask you. Don't bring a guest when no such courtesy is extended. Don't ignore an RSVP; it means "please respond," and you should.

12. Know how. Know how to drive. Know how to read a map. Know how to get around. Know how to change a tire, or whom to call if you can't manage it, or how to get to a phone if you don't have a cell phone. We will happily bail you out, until it becomes apparent that it's what you always need. There are no grounds for purposeful helplessness.

13. Don't use your friends. If the only reason you continue to associate with a person is to borrow his or her car, might I remind you that you have now turned 25 and may rent your own.

14. Have something to talk about besides college or your job. College is over. Participate in the world. Working is not living. Be interested so that you can be interesting.

15. Give and receive favours graciously. If you cannot do it, say so.

16. Drinking until you throw up is no longer a point of pride. It happens to the best of us, but be properly ashamed the next day; work on your tolerance, or eat something first, but amateur hour ended several years hence.

17. Have a real trash receptacle, real hankies or tissues, and, if you smoke, a real ashtray. No loose bags on the floor; no using a roll of toilet paper; no plates or empty soda cans. You are not a fierce warrior of the Fratty Bubelatty tribe.

18. Universal quiet hours apply to you. Bass practice should conclude, not start, at ten PM. Understand also that just because nobody has complained directly to you does not mean that a complaint is not justified, or pending. Further, get your speakers off the floor. Yes, a rug is still "the floor."

19. Take care of yourself. If you are sick, visit a doctor. If you are sad talk to a friend. If you are unhappy in love, break up. If you are fed up with how you look, buy a new shirt or stop eating cheese. Bored? Read a magazine. Mad at someone? Say so -- to them. If you have a problem, try to fix it. Many problems are knotty and need a lot of talking through, or time to resolve, but after a few months of all complaining and no fixing, those around you will begin to wonder if you don't enjoy the problems for the attention they bring you. Venting is fine; inertia coupled with pouting is not. Change is hard; that's too bad.

20. Rudeness is not a signifier of your importance. We all have bad days; yours is not weightier than anyone else's, and does not excuse rudeness. Be civil or be elsewhere.

I winced at the "bass practice" remark.

As I say, it's not aimed at you -- if I'm aiming this at anyone, it's at myself.

I'd only add, in my own words: You may have been told by authority figures when you were a child, to brush your teeth, wear clean clothes, eat fruit, be on time, act sensible, and so on. It does not follow that, now you are an adult, you can adequately fight opression in the world, simply by not brushing your teeth, living on junk food, and turning up late to things. This will not strike a blow for human freedom. If you find yourself always doing such things, ask yourself whether it's an unconscious remnant of rebellion that isn't actually working any more.

Planning

I spent about an hour yesterday planning the coming week.

It's not that there's anything so complicated or difficult happening, it's just that there are lots of options, and I want to minimise the amount of to-and-fro-ing. In the end, being me, I used a spreadsheet... Karen asked me if there would be a market for a piece of software to do this kind of planning -- I'm sure she wouldn't be taking the Mickey. I suspect maybe ILOG make something that could be used to programme it, I'm not sure. But I wonder whether other people have these kinds of tasks and approach them like this?

It's not that big a deal, and there are lots of solutions that WOULD work, so I could just do something randomly ... but it's annoying to suddenly realise there would have been a much easier way, or to get somewhere and not have the right stuff with me!

• On Thursday, I have to attend a meeting in central London in the afternoon. I could go to London by train in the morning and work in our office there; or drive to our office in Leatherhead, and get the train in from there for the meeting. After the meeting, I'll be going back to New Malden for the evening. Depending how I got to the meeting, I either will or will not have the car with me in New Malden.
  

• On one of Friday Monday or Tuesday, I'll need to work from home, as I need to get a blood test done, and also have a repair man round to look at the washing machine. Both of these things are (slightly) the sooner the better, but that's not critical.

• On Friday, I'll be going to a social in the evening in central London. I won't be able to drive after it. I could get the train home afterwards to Winchester, or to New Malden.
  

• On Saturday I need to be at home during the day to do housework and shopping, but attending a dinner in the evening in central London (I know, busy life) and as before, need to get there by train, either directly from Winchester, or from New Malden after driving there, and go back to either place afterwards, but it makes more sense to end up in NM because....
  

• Sunday I want to spend in New Malden. It'd be good if the car was there too, but not essential. I could do all the above travelling by train.
  

• On Monday evening, I have a gym induction session booked in New Malden -- but I can always reschedule it, so that's not important.
  

• On Tuesday, I have choir after work in Winchester, so unless that's the day I'm working from home, I need to have the car at work with me in Leatherhead to get back in time. On other days, I can travel by train between work and Winchester, or work and New Malden. Generally I prefer to minimise the driving, where convenient. However that conflicts with the next point....
  

• I prefer not to have to take "luggage" with me to the business meeting on Thursday or the dinner on Saturday. For the social on Friday, it's not such an issue, as it's pretty casual, and a holdall there would be fine. "Luggage" also includes my laptop, which I need to have with me at work, and when working at home. For example, if I stopped on Thursday night in New Malden, after going to my business meeting by train, I'd be arriving at the client's for a meeting carrying a bag for my clothes for the "social" and my laptop rucksack, neither of which I really want with me.
  

• Luggage also sometimes has to include running kit, as there is an exercise schedule to be observed. I can run wherever I am, and I now have running shoes and towels stashed everywhere except our central London office, but I need to make sure I have shorts and running shirts with me on the right days.

• Really, the optimal plan would take account of the weather forecast, as it's not ideal to walk to/from the station in NM, Leatherhead, or Winchester, in pouring rain, with luggage. However, NO, I did not factor the weather forecast into the spreadsheet.
  

It's a bit like a "fox and geese" puzzle... Do other people worry about stuff like this, or is it just me? Anyway, I found a solution that appears to work. If you never see me again, you'll know there was a bug in the spreadsheet...

A small competition

A few days ago, I had a contretemps with the shower here at work. I'd got wet and covered in lather, and it then decided to turn itself off, permanently. Leaving me like that.

The usual techy remedy of turning it off and on again had no effect. It was displaying a sign labelled "user protect" -- it was protecting me from getting too clean. I turned it off and waited quite a long time ... still no luck.

I had to wrap myself as best I could and make my way to another shower on another floor of the office building. Fortunately, that one was unoccupied. . . .

Anyway, the user interface of this shower unit is a valuable object lesson in design. It has the following:

1. four buttons, labelled start/stop, high, medium, and low
2. a large control knob with a red/blue scale round the outside
3. coloured lights unlabelled around the left of the outside of the control knob scale
   
4. four other little lights labelled "user protect", "inspect handset", "low flow", and "phased shutdown".
   

There are no other instructions.

And by the way, all the labels on this thing are in tiny letters, ignoring the fact that people often take off their glasses when in the shower.

I have some questions for you to guess at. I genuinely did not know the answers to these, and really wanted to.

1. What do the high/medium/low buttons and the control knob do? (The answer "control the temperature" is not sufficient -- they both affect the temperature -- how do they interact with each other to control the temperature, and why do I need TWO DIFFERENT interacting temperature controls?)
2. What am I supposed to do if "low flow" comes on? (I have never seen this happen)
   
3. If I operate the controls "incorrectly", "user protect" mode comes on, and the shower refuses to function at all. (This is what happened to me). How do I reset it? If it takes a certain time to reset itself, how long? And is the clock on that time only "ticking" while the power is still on? Or is it only ticking while the power is off? Or doesn't it matter? HOW DO I GET IT TO COME BACK ON YOU B***TARDS?
   
4. What do the little lights around the outside of the control knob scale tell me? Why do they never seem to come on? Why are they there? Decoration? No, they all flashed just before "user protect" happened....
   

A small prize to anyone who can correctly answer questions 1 and 4.

I subsequently found the answer to question 3 on the web: press and hold in the on/off button, and press and hold in the "low" button at the same time, this will reset it. Obvious really, no need for any instructions on the unit.

Matt Metzgar

I mentioned once before that Matt Metzgar's blog (here) is one of my favourites. I don't agree with everything he says, but I like his style, and there are lots of good research-based comments on nutrition and exercise. Whenever I go there, there are lots of articles I'd basically like to copy and post here (i.e. "steal them").

I hadn't visited for a couple of months. Recently he posted a couple of good articles about carbs: one pointing to a research paper on glycemic load, which (in the abstract) went so far as to say that a high-carb diet with high glycemic load is a fundamental cause of most "modern" diseases. (High glycemic load means things that give you a rapid blood-sugar hit, like sugar, but also like bread and potatoes. As opposed to low glycemic load carbs like beans, lentils, porridge, that funny black bread, and most vegetables other than potatoes.)

The other posting suggested that people eat high-GL carbs as a way of self-medicating their mood -- basically carbs raise serotonin, so hitting the sugar makes people feel better, just like an antidepressant tablet.

So: the million dollar question: what other ways of raising serotonin are known to work?
Answer: get enough sex, get enough sleep, get enough sunshine (go out in it during the day), get your omega three fatty acids (from fish oil or flaxseed oil), and physical exercise (especially dance, Matt says).

Sounds good to me....

FLM 08

For those not in the know, FLM is the Flora London Marathon.

I spent the day there today as a supporter, on the Runners World support stand.

It started out at 6am, getting a coach up to that London, laden down with bananas, oranges, gels, poweraid drinks, and especially jelly babies. Then a short walk and a train ride to Mudchute -- which is not as unattractive as it sounds. We set up our stall there.


You can see the blue sky, and the dark clouds gathering . . . .

Supporters gradually arrived and socialised, watching the wheelchair racers and the elite runners zoom past at incredible speeds.


London Pride was on sale....



Runners and supporters are encouraged to wear green ribbons to aid recognition.
Sweetest thing and KKD below, on the stand next to mine.



Then, as the normal mortal runners began to arrive, the weather worsened, turning to drizzle, heavy rain, and even hail. During this, we had to concentrate on spotting "our" runners, the ones we were supporting, and offering them cheers, hugs, and carbohydrates. It is in fact very hard at the best of times to spot a runner in the stream of tens of thousands, and pelting rain only makes it harder.

Apparently I failed to notice this chap run past, even though HE WAS ONE OF MINE!


I don't know how I missed him, but I must have looked away for a second, to get something out my bag or look at my list of runners, and he either didn't notice the stand, or chose not to break his stride.

I have few photos of this stage, as I spent most of my time in the road, handing out bananas and bags of jelly babies to soaked runners.



In BBH's case, the carbs come in the form of a can of Strongbow. Notice also the cursed empty plastic bottles. I assume they will all be carefully gathered up and recycled.

Then we saw Mick and Phil, a celebrated pair whose attendance had been in debate until the very last moment. I've run with them in a few races....



Afterwards, of course, we went to the pub. Which was ludicrously packed, including lots of runners whose limbs were gradually stiffening up.


This lady (on the left) used to be called "plodding hippo", but is now much slimmer and faster .... and is still called "plodding hippo" because names stick....


Cookie FatFace and Sezz above.
Scotty Mava and Gobi below.


Gobi spotted me about to snap... Womble also seems to be in all three photos....

The Role of an Architect

Interesting programme on telly last night, featuring a man who designed a huge house near Bishops Waltham, with the intention of selling it for a million pounds. He did the design himself, as far as I could understand it.

The nice lady on the programme took him and showed him what a million pound house should look like from the outside, but he insisted on sticking to his own design. Once he'd built it, the lady pointed out rather harshly that it "looked like a care home". I noticed myself, this morning as I drove to work, that it vaguely reminded me of the Holiday Inn at Chessington World of Adventure. In other words, not a grand house, more an anonymous set of rooms. The estate agents said the exterior had let it down. The interior was a bit out of proportion too.

As an "architect" of sorts myself, I was pleased to be reminded of the distinction between a builder, who'll take your idea and tell you how to construct it, and an architect, who'll know whether that idea actually works or not. A builder will happily put up a badly-designed house if you pay him to. (Or computer system).

One lesson I think is worth taking from it is that evolution works .... take an existing design that works, and make minor tweaks to it. Don't design from the ground up. He should have copied the house that the lady showed him.

Actually, he did copy an existing design, in a sense . . . . instead of copying an existing million pound house, he copied the styling of a much smaller pseudo-Tudor suburban house and scaled it up by a factor of about 10. That didn't work. Trying to "scale things up" like that is a common mistake in the computer world too.

Also interesting to me, though, was the possibility that the man's attitude, of sticking to his guns, trusting his own judgement, and not listening to nay-sayers about his plans, was the reason why he has nearly a million pounds in his pocket that he can put into building this house. Most of the time, that attitude may have served him very well. As it was, he did still end up making a profit on the whole deal.

The "A" Word

I notice that in the current "Mens Health", they have an article about a "new" diet called TNT. Which seems, basically, to consist of low carbs, except for carbs immediately before or after intense exercise, and, for people who are not too overweight, one or two higher carb "refuelling" days a week. The overweight have to eat low carb all the time except for 30 mins before and after intense exercise.

There's an interesting note added to the description of the low carb regime, though. It says you can eat butter and cream "because latest research shows that saturated fats don't cause heart disease if you're eating a low-carb diet". I thought it was interesting that they can drop that in. That's exactly what Atkins said, and he got reviled by all nutritionists and a government campaign. We were all told that Atkins was evil and would give us all heart disease. Now apparently Mens Health can simply say it without comment. I think it would have been polite to include an apology to him, but I guess he's a non-person now and can't be mentioned.

I have no idea what this "latest research" is. I may try writing to Mens Health, but don't hold your breath.


By and large, I'd say: never take health advice from the government.

One Year On

Today is the first anniversary of Mary's death. To me, it seems much longer ago. Years ago, somehow.

I think about Mary at some point most days. She'd been to Aber the weekend before, to visit John, and as usual had been sending me some entertaining texts. We had also just finished arranging a large party to celebrate John's 21st and Jamie's 18th birthdays, and had made it an excuse for the two of us to go off visiting suitable hotels and restaurants in the Oxford area to check them out.

A lot of my memories of Mary are of travelling, or, more specifically, driving. Often she'd drive and I'd navigate, if we were going anywhere unfamiliar. At home we both always had "stuff to do", so we tended to talk most in the car. Often just driving up and down to Cambridge, to see my parents and Chris and Jill, and stopping off at various favourite restaurants on the way back that we always used. And trips over to Aber together. Or just going out to pubs in the countryside near Winchester.

When the children were smaller, there were long journeys through France, and various trips to Cumbria and Lancashire, to Scotland, and to Cornwall. The children would sleep and we would talk and listen to music. And before we had children, the two of us drove around California together, and around Thailand. Certain records are always linked in my mind with certain places or journeys.

I also think of her in the choir, catching my eye from across the church, surrounded by her friends. I'm glad that we found that as a shared hobby when we did.

Snow

We had snow this morning!

Very weird

I had a strange experience last night.
Karen and I were at a stand-up comedy evening, which was excellent! However, the compere did his warm-up by talking to each of the tables of people there and finding things to make fun of. And he did it very well; it was most entertaining. And he did all the tables, not just the ones at the front. Jobs, accents, baldness, where people were from: he managed to tease everyone in a good-natured way without causing offence.

The thing was, when he got to our table, Karen and I were sitting at the side of the table, both facing the stage, so we were not side by side; I was in front of Karen, so we didn't look "together". So he started with me, by saying "How come you're on your own? Did your wife die?"

I boggled. I was doing one of those thought processes that seem to take many seconds, but probably the pause was only half a second: do I tell the truth, which is going to be a bit of a downer, and not exactly lead anywhere funny .... or say something else? If so, what? Evading the question leads to him probing and making more of it... this had already happened about people's jobs and so on. I didn't want him to go in that direction.

Anyway, all I actually needed to say was "this is my girlfriend here", which is what I did say ... second ... after a bit of a pause and saying "yes, my wife died". . . . And I think he assumed the first answer was just me trying (very badly) to be funny. Because later he asked if I had kids, and accused me of leaving them at home with the "ex", and so on. And went on to make fun of calling each other "boy" and "girl" friends at our age. Just his bad luck, really, to ask that first question, which made me seize up for a moment.

I went over to him in the interval and told him that my wife had indeed died last year, and he was a bit gobsmacked...